Last night there was a “Back to School” party hosted at a venue called “Brazil Tropical.” For some reason, I assumed it was a bar, but it was actually a club. I had never in my life been to a club before, by deliberate choice. Last night’s experience only served to confirm my previously unfounded abhorrence of night clubs. In fact, I have never been quite so disappointed in my generation, now particularly in what passes for courtship.
So basically, it starts with getting in to the club. Since there was an agreement with AUP, there weren’t any issues for any of us last night and it was free, but generally speaking, the ratio of guys to girls has to be at least 1:3 to get in, and the girls are expected to get all dolled up and dress as skankily as possible. And normally you have to pay for this, unless it’s ladies’ night or something. If you don’t meet these expectations, you can be “bounced” (which almost makes rejection sound like a fun time) based on the completely arbitrary decision of the bouncer (or the equally arbitrary instructions that he’s received). If this happens, you either have to try again somewhere else, or all your preparation was for naught.
Once you’re in, it doesn’t actually matter what you look like, because you can’t see anything anyway. You can, however, feel your clothing vibrate to the bass independently from your body. (Based on absolutely no knowledge of physics, I’m going to assume this is related to some kind of density differential.) You have to scream to talk to people who are right next to you, leaving any conversation, meaningful or otherwise, an impractial option.
Given all of this, I’m not entirely sure how people actually “meet” in clubs. You can’t talk. Isn’t that kind of necessary to get to know someone? I mean, yes, you can see whether or not they’re dancing on a platform and evaluate their grinding, but overall, that seems like a pretty poor general impression of a person.
Maybe I’m not being entirely fair. I’m told that clubbing is often only the end activity of a process, preceded by dinner and drinks. Perhaps in that context it’s a little more acceptable; conversation’s been had, and you just want to dance and have a good time, maybe work off that 8-lb steak. That’s fine, I think. But I'm not stepping into a club again, not even by accident.